Friday, January 29
i dont pontificate.So my life story ,as i am going to narrate will be a true introspection rather than a pompous ballad of a hero. I am malignant to humans, i am consumed by men who find me esoteric .I am a fountainhead of immense pleasure,of NIRVANA and untimely death.This story is not for people who are languid,goofy enough to neglect me ,incorrigible enough to consume me doggedly.I have raised men to unreachable success,i have fallen men to their ashes.Who am i ? I am Riju. Shah rukh Khan is my favourite hero.
Dhanbad was my birthplace.My native place is a paradigm of coal-theft.The coal theives prefer to consume us with their coal money. But i wasnt brownish when i was born.Like all the members of my species i was green in colour.The Americans are such buggers ,arent they? Prefer to omit "u" in such a small word colour,lazy creatures.Unlike the others of my clan i dont like americans. The field where i was born belonged to a bald old bihari whose fart smelled of rotten "muli", the cheapest vegetable found in bihar,sorry jharkhand.But that didnt stop me from polishing my knowledge-quotient which solely came from the "transistor" of the Ganja Bihari. I was apprehensive regarding the origin of my name,i pleaded to god that GAANJA did not originate from ganja.Now i know the truth . Thats why i am happy.
Ma ,wasnt mother india for me.She was just 3 weeks older than me.Ana was 3 days younger.From the 5th day of my incarnation , my eyes were fixed on Ana.She was the most greenly voluptous female of our "khet".And i was the most greenly muscular one.So whenever the transistor played the Sharukh Khan hit "Ana meri pyaar ko tum kabhi jhoota na samjho jaanaa....." She used to flutter her leaves in embarrassment and i used to whistle in G-for gaanja style.Mom used to be embarrassed.But alas we are stuck forever to where we incubate.So all Ma could say is "Barey badmaash ho tum...."(in case you forget from the film saawariya).By now you must have guessed that the only means of communication of desi-cannabies are bollywood numbers.Thanks to the "transistors ".
"Kabhie ana tu meri gali" that was all i could say . Time of amusement were over.The ganja bihari was plucking all of us and laying us bare-skinned under the sun to change our tan from green to coal black.I had heard(via transistor) that one hell of a human who gave a sudden shot of a dogs bark "AAUUUU" now and then had changed his tan from Black to white(skin pigmentation).I felt empathetic towards him. Even cannabies didnt like changing to a negroid tan.Racism was prevalent among us.The greens were impuned.After getting a sun-bath for two days my mother ,i and to my greatest disappointment Ana went "Black" .Naaahh not the Rani mukerji style, the "hum kaale hain to kya hua dilwale hain" one.
Polythenes are banned in the world of humans,arent they? but Ganja was oblivious of the fact.He stapled Ma, ana and me in three different plastic packets and kept us among his vast collection of cannabies .I could hear Ana singing "Soona soona mann ka aangann" .but her Saif s hands were stapled.But i sang back"Kurban hua"in G-style.Then came the police.
"Inspector Manish Dubey naam hai hamaar, gaanja kheti karta hain ,wo bhi bina license ke ganja kahika" India was the only country where you needed a license to grow a drug from a debauched politician who consumed them.
to be continued.......
Saturday, January 9
1.This is not an eulogy of the film that you must have guessed by now.I do not possess the oracular power of commenting on an Aamir khan film,lest criticising it.
2. I suck in engineering studies.And I am an egalitarian, believing that 7.97 and 8.00 are equal and Electrical machines is the single most bugger of a subject in this universe.
An Engineer refers to a person who has an ability to control and manipulate a machine,as defined by the oxford english dictionary .But wait, this was the Brit`s version . In India ,as one of my friends inputted me, Engineering means--
1. a) Rs. 10^7 dowry in Bihar if you are an IIT-ian ( cant clarify whether its only for the B.tech course) b) reduce a zero if you are a NIT grad c) Reduce another if from someplace else.
2. "O ji sunte ho ,hamare padosan ka beta IIT-Mandy mein padhta hain ,wo kabhi ghar aaye to khub se khilana pilana ,hamare shyam ko kehna uske saath chipak jaye taaki wo bhi kuch shikh sake."
3. Getting an Mba degree from IIM or II"P"M and working in a bank . Then start writing. These days publishers have a fetish for grads of good colleges.
Somewhere down the line we forget that the hard-bound 1000 page doctrine (Often used to kill a thief from a balcony dislodging it on him,seldom used for going through it) correlates an "Engineer" with his "machine".
An engineering college is one of the best place to inhale friendship, to develop so many ephemeral relationships with the opposite sex,even to start a band.But not a place to study .I am sorry that im not complacent about what i am studying or learning .
In your first year you are hectored by your seniors, and for the next three years either
1. you coax your proffessor till he drowns in flattery . You can expect a Cgpa of 8 if you have succeeded
2. Start studying english ( usage of that big ,hard bound book ) to bell the feline,and enter "The Bank of **** " anything other than India , Deustche,swiss being the popular ones.
3. Take note of each and every word that a proffessor says,including his cough "Ahemm" and mugging up till you have imbibed those precise words used in the definition ." Machines er definition ae ADVANTAGE word ta na likhle kintu marks paabena, zero boshiye debo ".Success is guaranteed ( cgpa > 8.5)
4. Cultivate an "ISHQ" with someone special, comb your hair , ignite your bike`s engine, and vrooom "THERE GOES THE COUPLE OF THE BATCH".
5. Your turn to hector your junior.
Only 2% of the total strength of teachers intrigue studs to learn engineering. And 100% of the total strength are ready to catch the fellow taking refuge of dishonesty.Thats unfair. A little bit of altruism is necessary. After all MEMORY is the least of the necessities to qualify AIEEE or IIT exams , so there`s always a chance of Shift + delete , an external drive is the only refuge ,isnt it?
"DRAW A NEAT FIGURE OF THE HARTLEY-OSCILLATOR"
Im sorry.An idiot like me ,has to use a piece of paper named "a Cheat".
Isnt it preposterous to learn nothing but score a perfect 9 in your semester ?
Isnt it jocular to disgorge flippancy to your teacher behind his back and cajole him in front ?
(was this a self-aimed question ? Dont know, maybe.)
Machines are not a means of emancipation for me , Rancho was an exception.Im infidel to them and find them mundane.Fidelty if possible should be reserved for a lucrative liasion,not a ghastly machine.
I do not want to make a career as a photographer or a musician ,for that matter.I want to earn money from the knowledge that i have imbibed in my college ,which tends to zero .(Maybe tends to a negative value, i keep forgetting what i had learnt in my school)But the thing which transfers me to a state of delirium is , what if one of the interviewers of a company questions me something that is beyond-
1. "DRAW THE DIAGRAM OF AN OSCILLATOR"
2. "DEFINE IT,EXPLAIN THE DIAGRAM"
"Dont worry , your MAN would not have learned something more than that .We are all petals of the same flower- ENGINEERING" my friend had joked.
But what if Rancho s exist in real life ,and both he and i have the misfortune of sitting face to face in an interview ?I dont think Idiot-1 will enjoy interviewing the "N th " one ,will he?
IIT-mandy,Nit-siuri...... yaar ,i know the population is steaming in India, but still so many PARADIGMS of engineering education arent needed. Whats needed from the bureaucrats is to spend money on existing colleges, to get good teachers for each college . Recently newspapers flaunted with pride that 30% of teaching posts in IIts , Nits are lying vacant.
Ain`t there anybody interested in teaching engineering ?
"WHAT IS A MACHINE,DRAW A NEAT DIAGRAM OF IT" doesnt amuse any of the generation of engineers, they dont prefer to take the post of someone, they had previously planned of writing an obituary.
I have taken refuge of that age-old friend of human being which mews seeing a bowl of milk.
Any college giving that masters of business administration will do for me.
Call me a bugger, i dont care.
Call me a moneyphilic, i dont care.I come from a middle class family , i love money and i need it.
But, Call me an idiot. i do care.I was never good in mathematics.
For i havent found out the value of "N" yet .
So ..... have you ?
If you have. "AAL IZZ WELL".